There’s No Place Like Home

I really am having a hard time struggling with the fact that my state will not allow me to hire a professional midwife and birth my baby at home! Why is this such a hard concept? This is the way we have done things since the dawn of time and still is the norm in many countries – countries with much better mother/infant mortality rates than us by far. I can not really put into words how comfortable and safe I felt at home laboring with Eliza the night of July 25th and the morning of July 26th. Caleb slept next to me while I laid there on my side mentally telling myself to “open up” and to relax. It was in that space, in the dark and quietness of my own bedroom that I progressed to 8 cm. My contractions were coming every ten minutes or so and I would periodically get up and labor on the toilet, but I can not explain how comfortable I was. I was in the labor zone and it was a piece of cake. I know that had I had another hour or two of darkness, I would have ended up waking Caleb to get him to catch Eliza and our lives would be starkly different right now. Every piece of my body screams that at me on a daily basis and it is what my mommy gut has told me the entire time. When morning came and AdaRee woke up, I decided it was time to be assessed at the least. I honestly figured that I was at 4 cm or something given my experience with AdaRee. I am one of those moms who labors for a long time. It sucks, but it is what it is and I will sit over here and continue to be jealous of these moms who have labors that last less than 12 hours. It would have been absolutely perfect to have a skilled midwife come to check my progress and encourage me. Anything would have been better than what happened next. 

My head space completely changed once I set foot in that hospital though. If I could go back, I would have just stayed home and more than likely we would have had an uneventful, but surely exciting “oops, we did not make it to the hospital in time” birth. You know, you have heard so many stories of babies being born on the way or as the mom is walking into the hospital and yet, I have seriously never heard of anything going wrong with these births. No meconium in their lungs, no breathing problems, nada, zilch…. Do you know what this says to me? Screams to me really! Maybe, just maybe it is all the crap that we pump moms full of that cause these issues. Well, let us consult ACOG on this one. I will refer to ACOG as the “horse’s mouth” from here on out because ACOG is The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and this is what they all go by, regardless of the fact that they don’t explain all side effects to you.

Pitocin

Pain Meds during Labor

Well, there you have it straight from the horse’s mouth! These links actually make my stomach turn when I read them…. You should really take a moment to read all of that because they are not going to explain all that to you while you are in labor in the hospital. 

Since becoming pregnant the first time, I have read so many birth stories. Since losing my daughter Eliza, many moms have reached out to me to share their traumatic and scary hospital birth stories. I have watched a million You Tube videos of different kinds of births. The conclusion that I have come to, especially since there is a lack of research on home births from this country, is that you do not hear of these issues happening that happen in hospitals when you birth at home. I have talked to many home birth moms around the world and not once have I heard of breathing problems or others issues. I do know one mom whose son was stillborn and even had she been in a hospital, there is nothing that could have been done for her son. From what I have heard and gathered from real life moms (most hospital births), home birth seems to be by far safer because nothing is interfering with the process that is birth and everything goes smoothly for the most part if you have an experienced and well trained midwife by your side. Well, it also happens without issue often times when you do not have a midwife as well. HA! Do the rest of you not see this as plainly as I do?

I barely missed a home birth recently and quite honestly, I will tell you that it was the most amazing thing I wish I had not missed. I could still feel the energy in the room and I felt nervous, but at home and in my element. I really want to get the laws changed and become a CPM myself. I truly feel that it’s my calling.

And let’s face it, why are we the only species that needs all this crap to birth our babies? I refuse to accept that! I believe God designed us to do this and sadly some get it easier than others, but none of us are ever the same, just like our fingerprints.

But bottom line, what I keep coming back to is how comfortable and safe I was when I was laboring at home with Eliza. That is what it should be like and that is what I need to have a safe and healing birth. No one should ever expect me to walk back into my local hospital for another birth after I lost Eliza there and really I do not want to walk into one at all, but it looks like I am probably going to have to drive to Atlanta. Knowing my luck, I will give birth in the car this time and wish I had just stayed home. 

 
 

 

 

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Where do I start?!?

Oh my! My rainbow, Baby Petty #3 is finally on the way!! It has truly been a long and hard road since the birth and death of our beloved second daughter Eliza. It is hard to put into words the pain of living what should have been her first year of life without her, most especially when it should have never even happened to begin with. In all honesty though, my husband and I had been trying to conceive ever since it happened. I truly think the stress and trauma of what I had been put through that day and for the months to come truly kept me from even ovulating. It was as if my body when into “fight or flight mode” and never left it until just after Eliza’s birthday. I’m pretty sure that if my body had been able to be pregnant, we would have been pregnant sooner. I had also gotten used to the negative pregnancy tests although they were extremely hard at first. This is all such hard to stuff to type right now…and there is just so much it overwhelms me. I have learned so much in the past year about my body and what it is capable of, but I have no idea where to start with this except maybe how we found out we where pregnant.

I really didn’t expect to fall pregnant that month and we had opened the infertility conversation with Dr. Bootstaylor – I’ll talk more about who he is later in it’s own separate blog. I had gone in for an ultrasound to make sure everything was still in place and looking good on a Friday. It was thank goodness! Dr. B made a few comments that stuck with my mom and we left to head home. I had already ordered my cheapie ovulation and pregnancy tests on Amazon and they were supposed to get there Monday. Saturday morning I would have been 8-9 days past ovulation and my breasts were tender, which has always been the first thing I noticed. I knew that it might be too early to test, but I looked at Caleb and asked him if he wanted to run to Wal-Mart for a couple of their cheapies since I didn’t want to wait till Monday at this point. Yes, the cheap tests are just the same as the name brand ones, so don’t waste your money ladies! Well, the digital ones are a different kinda fun, but I digress…

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And there it is….the faintest line showed up!!! Oh my! I wasn’t prepared for this really. I certainly wanted it badly, but I was kinda shocked. I had to get Caleb to look and sure enough, I didn’t have line eyes and was not just imagining things. I shared it with a close friend and doula for another opinion too and it was confirmed that it was in fact, a positive. Even a faint line that shows up within the time limits of the test means there is HCG in there and HCG means only one thing and that’s PREGNANT. Now, there’s trouble in knowing so early because I still had a few days till when my period would have shown up, so I ended up with this….

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Miscarriage is common and I was terrified, but those lines kept getting darker! Still am terrified honestly, but I’m just gonna enjoy every minute of this pregnancy and every minute that I know I’m carrying life inside of me. Barefoot and pregnant…..that’s me and thank goodness my husband likes me that way! Dr. B let us come in for an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and baby Petty #3 was measuring just right where I knew she/he should be. We even got to hear and see the heartbeat at not quite 8 weeks along and it was the most comfortable – and swanky – experience we’ve ever had with an early ultrasound. I won’t get into the horrible experiences we had in Lee county with them every time, but they can’t even compare to what we experienced at See Baby. I will try to vlog part of a prenatal visit so y’all can see exactly what I’m talking about.

 

I know that I have so much to say and share with women because to me feminism is more about knowing who we are as women and about all the amazing things that our bodies can do. I think we have lost a lot of knowledge over the last years and I vow now to truly teach my daughters about their bodies and all that they can do. I am woman and I am strong. Here is to planning the SAFE and healing birth that I truly NEED. I am 10 weeks along today which means I’m already 25% of the way through which is crazy to think about! My world completely changed from that first positive pregnancy test. I am not scared because I know exactly what not to do this time.